Love Isn't Possession: Deep Obsessions Can Hinder Loving Relationships

Recently, I watched a movie called "The Blood of the Spectator." If I were to describe it in three words, it would be: "female empowerment thriller." I won’t give away too much about the plot, but it’s a truly gripping and thought-provoking film. What struck me the most was how the female characters understood love. Spoiler alert: If you’re sensitive to spoilers, you may want to watch the movie before reading further.

There are several details that really stood out. Whenever the Tang family's three daughters attend a dinner or gathering, they dress in matching outfits. For instance, during the art exhibition dinner at the beginning and when getting ready for the Lin family’s funeral, they had three identical black dresses prepared. Even though Tang Ning dislikes these outfits, she still obeys her mother’s wishes and wears them. Mrs. Tang exerts control over her family, both subtly and overtly.

Another memorable aspect was the love story between Lin Pianpian and Marco. Throughout the film, Lin Pianpian’s feelings for Marco are genuine. Some argue that her actions, like holding onto Marco’s belongings, indicate possessiveness rather than true love. However, her diary reveals her sincerity, and in the end, she releases Marco by returning his belongings, hoping he can fulfill his dream of freedom.

However, loving someone doesn’t mean you possess them; excessive possessiveness can be quite off-putting. In the film, Marco's feelings for Lin Pianpian are conflicted. On the surface, it seems he loves Lin Pianpian and even agrees to a ghost marriage with her (though there are other motives at play), but he harbors resentment towards her deep down. Even after regaining his freedom, he can't shake the frustration of having been controlled.

This reminds me of a classmate of mine, Gemini Xiao D, who had what you might call a "princess syndrome." Her intense control over her boyfriend was nearly pathological, to the point that her dorm mates found it unbearable.

She insisted her boyfriend share his location daily and kept all his accounts and passwords open for her inspection. She closely monitored his chats and social media, dismissing any reasoning. When he wanted to play video games, she’d say, "Is that all you're good for?" If he watched anime, she’d dismiss it, saying it was for kids. When they shopped or bought things online, she insisted he pay...

At one dorm dinner, after finishing her meal, she planned to go shopping with her boyfriend, who came to pick her up. She subtly insisted he pay for the meal. The cost for six people was several hundred yuan, a significant sum for a college student. Her roommates felt awkward, and later offered to reimburse her, but she insisted, "Why shouldn’t he pay for this meal? A man should be responsible for a woman’s meal, right? He complained about not having money to shop today, and I scolded him for that. Don’t give me the money; I won’t accept it. It's his responsibility."

Her boyfriend worked to earn money, likely because she spent so much, and she would deliberately visit his workplace to "check up" on him. It was unacceptable for him to converse with female coworkers normally, and if he did, he was reprimanded, "I saw you laughing along with her while working!" We once told Xiao D that her boyfriend was trustworthy and didn’t need such close monitoring. Wouldn’t it be better to give him some space?

Initially, she disagreed, saying, "Men need supervision. Look at how many cheat; if you give them freedom and spare money, they'll cheat!" But then she seemed to recognize her over-controlling nature and awkwardly added, "I get easily insecure; women are often insecure, and I’m the type that feels the most insecure. So I must be strict. I clearly tell him, if he wants to be my boyfriend, he has to be under my management! Otherwise, I’ll stop loving him."

Her saying, "If you don’t let me manage you, I won’t love you anymore," captures the essence of a love that's more about possession than affection. The outcome was expected; they soon began to argue frequently, leading to a dramatic breakup. In a restaurant where her boyfriend worked, another fight erupted, and Xiao D bluntly said, "So you have a problem with me now? Then let’s break up!" He looked at her and nodded, "Okay." Xiao D was taken aback and exclaimed, "You actually said okay!" before running out, and he made no move to follow.

Today’s Tarot card is the [Emperor] reversed, symbolizing the discomfort of being controlled. I hope those in love can remember that real love isn’t about having someone by your side under compulsion. It’s about being wonderful on your own. When your love radiates positivity, even if you push someone away, they still won’t want to leave.

Daily Divination

The card interpretations are as follows:

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A - Stay positive and proactive; good fortune will come your way.

B - Don’t give up, keep striving, and good fortune will come your way.

C - Stay realistic and clear-sighted; good fortune will come your way.

D - Treat others kindly and consider the broader picture; good fortune will come your way.